ADHD and Showering
Hygiene is often difficult for ADHDers. This is due to brain & body differences that I go over in my Intro to ADHD course. Basically, hygiene tasks like showering and brushing teeth are low reward activities that involve sensory input that doesn’t always feel good. Most ADHD adults can remember spending more time trying to trick their parents that they brushed their teeth than actually brushing their teeth!
Parents overtime often get frustrated with their kids “resistance” to showering and brushing teeth and can sometimes lose their temper or result in punishments, neither of those being supportive nor helpful for the ADHD kid. This creates an environment of frustration, power struggles and demands around hygiene that can last into adulthood.
Sensory Challenges:
We have 8 sensory systems & ADHDers have at least one or more sensory differences.
Sensory dysregulation with being wet (especially wet hair)
Sensory dysregulation with temperature changes
Sensory dysregulation with changing clothes
Sensory dysregulation with changes in head positioning (tipping your head back to rinse your hair)
Sensory dysregulation with varying pressure and the varying timing of water touching different parts of the body
Sensory discrimination difficulties with feeling all of your body parts (proprioceptive awareness), which makes it difficult to thoroughly wash your body and hair, you may miss areas or not thoroughly rinse
This can also make it hard to grade your force and you may squeeze a little or too much body wash and shampoo out of the bottle
Oftentimes, they will love being in the water (bath or shower) but the transition in and out can be painful with sensory overload due to over-responsive sensory systems and sensory discrimination difficulties. Their brain will want to protect them from the intense discomfort they experience and will avoid showering. This can turn into a common conflict for a parent/child relationship and creates a repeated negative experience around bathing.
However, the opposite can be true, showering and taking baths is very regulating, especially for those who are hyposensitive and need more stimulation/input.
Executive Functioning (EF) Challenges:
There are a lot of steps that go into showering, which can create overwhelm if you do not have a system that works well for your brain and body.. Trying to remember all the things you need to do and motivating yourself to do so is really challenging.
Remembering everything you need to shower & all the steps (EF: Organization & Planning). Someone might jump in the shower and forget to have a towel handy or that their shampoo is empty. Having to repeat steps can be frustrating and/or add to the sensory overload like if there is no towel close by
Showering requires inhibition (self-control) of stopping a current task and initiation to transition and start the next task, showering
The default mode network (DMN) does not turn off for ADHD brains unless there is a high reward or on medication according to one study. Generally showering is removing you from something more fun & engaging (at least as a kid), so there can be a lot of resistance to transition into a less fun task. It also doesn’t have a big enough reward for many ADHDers for them to engage in the task. Knowing that you will “feel better” when clean isn’t a big enough reward unless you are caked in mud or something that is a sensory ick
Tips & Tricks
Sensory tips-
Reduce Dysregulating Input
Space heaters to reduce temperature changes coming in & out of shower
Skip hair washing, dry shampoo is a great way to lengthen the time between wet hair washings
Skip shaving
Baths reduce the impact of temperature changes, changes in water pressure, & wetness as one has more control how fast or slow they submerge their body
Warm large soft towel that can be accessed quickly. Towel warmers are great for this
Use hair towel to keep wet hair off your skin
Using a handheld shower head to control where the water is spraying on the body
Shower/bath hand mitts to wash your body and scrub your hair for those who have lower body awareness, makes it easier to feel where cleaning
Have a small mirror in the shower or use the bathroom mirror for visual feedback to make sure you didn’t miss any spots
Increase Regulating Input :
Do a proprioceptive activity beforehand to help move into or increase your regulation. This helps the body be in a more more regulated state when exposed to uncomfortable/painful sensory stimuli, which makes it less dysregulating. Exercise is a good way to get a lot of proprioceptive input. As a bonus sometimes having the sensory ick of sweat will increase the reward of showering. Check out my free sensory sheet here
Bath and shower bombs with your favorite scents
Music can add regulating sensory input. As a bonus, it can also help with speed of showering depending on the speed of the music
Executive Functioning Tips:
Increase reward: Pair it with something you like to do or enjoy (dopaboosting)
Listen to music/podcast or watch TV in shower/bath
Use a phone holder for a shower and scroll TikTok
Watch a show on an iPad when you take a bath
Use fun shower spray that smells good or something that feels rewarding and enjoyable in the shower to incentivize you. Candles can be fun but also hazardous if you know you easily forget to blow them out
Celebrate any little success, even if you just get physically close to the shower
This increases the reward (dopabooster) and can distract from some of the sensory challenges if there are some.
Build a Routine: Routines need support to build & will need a little novel sparkle every 3-4 weeks
Pair showering with something that you already do.
Write out or make fun visuals of the steps you take & the reward at the end (supportive partner/roommate can help with this!)
Keep all your shower items visible and easily accessible.
Installing corner shower shelves helps keep items accessible and visible.
Set them out in the order you use them, so you don’t have to think about it
Use a clear wall mounted dispenser to put your shampoo/conditioner and body wash in so you can see how much is left and have it in the order you use it
Habit Stack: Have an extra toothbrush and toothpaste to avoid the transition time.
Reduce the amount of things you need to do in the shower
Start with just rinsing off. Oftentimes, it is just starting the task. So if you decrease the “goal” to just rinse off, you might find that you can do all the other steps.
Body Double: Showering with your partner can make it more fun!
Challenge: see if you can shower before a short upbeat playlist ends or get in the shower before the song ends. Race a timer.
Accountability partner. Any positive friend/partner that is able to check in and give feedback is so helpful in establishing new routines. Using body doubling groups can also help as well. ADDA has several of them.
All of these tips require executive functioning skills. It is easiest to build these with an ADHD Coach, ADHD Therapist or Occupational Therapist who specializes in sensory processing. As ADHD Adults had to figure out how to meet their different needs on their own, it can be hard to overcome these challenges yourself. If it takes a lot of effort to do these tips, that means you need some professional support and that is OK! You deserve to learn methods that work for your brain and body, just like most kids got growing up and you didn’t.
Letting your primary supportive relationships know about your struggles and encouraging them to learn about ADHD. ADHD-affirming relationships are huge supports and are needed when learning new things.
*Not all people with ADHD will experience all of these sensory differences, you may experience none, a few, or all of them. Also, your sensory regulation is always fluctuating, so some days it may feel easy, and other days it may feel too much.
*If you struggled with bathing in your childhood and received negative messages and/or punishment when you resisted bathing, you might want to explore trauma responses with a therapist.
*Links are to provide a visual idea. We are not endorsing any particular brand.
Written by Anita Robertson, LCSW and Carrie Comstock, OTR